‘Law controls the lesser man. Right conduct controls the greater’ – Mark Twain
There are rules / laws and then there are expectations / manners. It is the latter (or the lack of it) that is worrisome. You could call it being old-worldly or being lady / gentleman like or being polite or anal, you can call it what you like but the fact is that acceptable social conduct in the expected realm of culture & civics is what differentiates us from the apes.
Yes with all the global travel, business, information, knowledge sharing and what not we have become more tolerant, accepting, giving and sensitive as a species but at the same time we have become that much more mechanical, cold, selfish and crude. In this duality of our coexisting / combined existences we have forgotten a lot of what are forebears regarded for our kind (humans) as good & best practices and we would pass very little of that good to our progeny.
But then there are some things that are just pure logic, or so I thought, it is the spelling-out of six of these expectations that I will attempt to do with this piece titled ‘Etiquette 2014’:
1. Leg-room: If you travel economy-class like I mostly do, you know that leg-room is a myth. Now, add to that the person sitting on the seat in front of you who insists on sitting with his/her feet under the seat! Most frequent-flyers have experienced this leg-room squatter more than once for sure. Stories of kicking, nudging, negotiating, playing footsie (mostly unwillingly) to finally addressing the problem head on (after repeated assaults to our feet) are stories we have all been party to, subject to and / or in the know of. Is there a written code-of-conduct or a book on ‘in-flight etiquette’? Not that I am aware of and no there is no law / rule that regulates the phenomenon of leg-space squatting. But there is simple logic that needs to come into play and the logic is that your leg-space is the space in front of you and under the seat in front of you. Enlightenment? You are most welcome!
2. Backrest: No this piece is not titled ‘In-flight Etiquette 2014’, but I do spend a lot of time in flights and so I could not help but start with these two points before the other four. ‘Backrest’ – need I say more? Again, if you travel cattle-class like I mostly do I am sure you wonder in amazement every time that back-rest in front of you comes hurtling towards your body even when the seat-belt sign is still on! Malfunction? Mistake? Nah! Nine out of ten times the answer is ‘Neanderthal’. Forgive them only if you realize s/he has no understanding of the (at least) two languages in which the announcements wrt backrest were made or if it is his / her first flight ever. Spare them still if they are spaced-out with coke running through their systems or if they are unwell or old. But if it is none of the aforementioned then the backrest delinquency was the act of a Neanderthal.
3. Mumbai vs. Delhi: Really? How old are you (as in are you a child)? Or from what era did you show-up to play Back To The Futurewith us (as in are you ancient)? Wake-up to the new reality (not so new at all actually), most metropolitan cities in most countries are inhabited by majorities that are not natives of that city or state. Each time you stereo-typify, typecast, generalize and worse still make fun of somebody basis their city, country, ethnicity or culture.. it is you and not them that comes across as ignorant, narrow-minded and regressive. This point might not necessarily come under etiquette, but the clue here is that if you cannot resist thinking regressively, in order to seem progressive (polite) and worldly you can at least try and exercise self-control by not letting your thoughts becoming spoken / written word.
4. The gender equality tussle: While the debate continues, my suggestion to the men-folk is that you would reap more good in life (hopefully in more ways than one) if you get them to believe that you believe (if you really can’t get yourself to believe) that they are more evolved of the two sexes. Be chivalrous and respectful irrespective of her telling you that old world charm cuts no ice with her; believe me they don’t mean it! Continue to (or start NOW) hold the door open, pay always, listen (don’t pretend to, actually do!) and compliment. And here is a humble request to the superior ones – please go easy on us if we don’t live up to your expectations consistently, we after all are simple-minded beings who err but not by choice.
5. Emails: The trend probably started with Blackberry, those devices are almost dead but unfortunately that hurried and curt style of writing emails without a salutation or sign-off is still alive & kicking. Add to that the habit-forming, abbreviating, slang-filled and language distorting style of texting on FB, Twitter, WA, BBM, ChatOn and a gazillion such. As a result of this language-destroying era we now have emails that are either too hurried (incomplete) or dotted with elements that make it look like it has been written by a teenager ROFLing his / her way through the mail. My request to all of you is that irrespective of it being official, internal or personal – please write an email in as classic a format as your modern-thinking, short-forming self allows you to.
6. Driving vs. cabbing it: Last but not the least is this point that for sure is a rule (in most civilized regions on planet Earth) and not etiquette. We have all been subjected to enough and more campaigns for enough and more years on the perils of drunken driving. Now, don’t get me wrong, I have been young and restless too and so I am not talking to that section of my readers. You will learn the hard way (hopefully at your cost and not at the cost of your life or that of others). But the so called ‘adults’ way past their quarter-life crisis and well on their way to meet mid-life crisis, it is this category of readers that I want to ask – ARE YOU MAD? When you know you will have one too many, worse still when you know you have had one too many, why can’t you simply decide not to drive? Designated driver, chauffeur, a more sober spouse, passing out at your friend’s place or better still calling for a cab are much safer options than pulling The Fast & The Furious – Tokyo Driftstunts in that drunken stupor of yours. Most of us now live in cities where finding transportation at even unearthly hours is not too much of a challenge anymore, so there is simply no excuse for drinking & driving! If you don’t see the ‘rule’ value in this point then I at least hope that you see the ‘etiquette’ value in it (or vice-versa).
I hope the above six points are of value to you. I would love to hear your reactions, comments, suggestions and add-ons in regards to this topic.
We of White Ladder conduct workshops & trainings on ‘etiquette’ (among other aspects of soft-skills & behavioral skills) for some of the better known brands and organizations globally. Get in touch with us if you think we can add value to you, your teams your kids and humankind at large; we would love to pitch-in!
